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Step 1: Quit Drinking Right Now!
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"What about the other steps? Isn't there more to it than that?"
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Other steps only serve to postpone the one and only step that will result in quitting - quitting.
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"But it's hard to just quit drinking. There's a lot more to it than that. There are meetings, support groups, sponsors, doctors and other people that I need to help me quit. I can't quit all by myself, all of a sudden, just like that - I need help to quit."
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Yes, it is hard to quit drinking when you are shifting the responsibility for quitting away from yourself. Involving yourself with all of these other people and programs removes your need to squarely deal with actually quitting right now. They remove you from the process of quitting - you are relieved of responsibility for your own actions. Once you have relinquished your own responsibility it is nearly impossible to act with the decisiveness necessary for changing your behavior. You change your behavior by changing the way you think. This is what I mean by "Change Your Mind". The easiest way to stop drinking is to change your thinking - do that and your behavior will follow.
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"Whoa, hold on just a second. If I keep reading this and let your way of thinking get into my head, you are going to destroy my life. Your ideas are dangerous to me. Thoughts like yours are what got me in trouble in the first place. I thought I was smart but I wasn't. I can't second-guess the program. The program has proven to me that I cannot trust myself to stay out of trouble. The more I think, the more likely it will be that I will drink. I have proven that I am powerless over alcohol and I have turned my will over to a higher power that looks after me to keep me from destroying myself. My life will only be destroyed if I stop going to meetings and start listening to you."
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My words cannot have any power over you unless you give them the power to do so by agreeing with them. You do not have to make me that powerful over you, but you are in the habit of relinquishing responsibility for your own thinking, so it seems like the natural thing to do. It isn't. The natural thing to do is to take control of your life and act in your own best interest. I have my own life to live and I have no desire to have any responsibility for you. I do not want that kind of power over you. My ideas won't destroy your life, but if you're not careful you might use them to destroy your own life by not exercising your natural ability to make up your own mind and take the action that you feel will be of the most benefit to you. If you are so weak that you cannot read these things without allowing yourself the power to agree or not agree with what you are reading, then by all means please stop reading this right now and go elsewhere.
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"I can read what you are saying and either accept or reject what you are telling me. But the mere act of reading this is completely contrary to the principles of my program - reading this will weaken my resolve to work the program properly, even if I don't agree with anything I've read here. I have spent a long time learning about my program and making it work for me. If I start believing what you are telling me I might start thinking in ways that will lead to a relapse in my sobriety. You are going to wreck my program for me, and I'll end up drinking because of you."
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I have no plans to come to your house, place a funnel in your mouth, and pour alcohol down your throat. I am not responsible for the things that you do to yourself - you are. If you start thinking about what you are reading here and then relapse, it will not be my fault - it will be your fault. I can't wreck your program with my words. Only you can wreck your program with my words. If you have a relapse, just keep in mind that a relapse only proves that you lost control of your actions in that instance, that day - it does not prove that you cannot control yourself in every situation and at every time where alcohol is concerned. It is better to analyze what you were thinking that caused you to allow the relapse. That way, it will be easier to prevent a relapse the next time that same situation presents itself. Punishing yourself with all-encompassing self-condemnation for making a mistake is not going to help you.
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"Even if I agree with you, and I'm not saying that I do, what about my support for my fellow alcoholics? They don't know about these ideas of yours, and if they knew they would not agree with you, and they are relying on me for support in their sobriety. It is a fellowship - we rely on each other for the strength to work the program and maintain our sobriety as recovering alcoholics. I can't and won't let my friends and loved ones down by listening to you."
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The people at your meetings are not responsible for the things you do to yourself - you are. If someone at your meetings relapses, it is not a threat to your sobriety unless you decide that behaving in the same way is a good idea and then go out and do the same thing. You have the responsibilty to do that or to not do that. By the same token, if you relapse and tell everybody about it at the next meeting, you are not responsible for anyone there thinking it is a good idea and doing the same thing. They are responsible for that. If you read this and then quit drinking and stop going to meetings, you are not responsible if someone at the meeting reacts in a self-defeating way to what you have done. They are responsible for their own behavior and you are responsible for your own behavior.
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"Okay, but I really can't be held responsible for being diseased, and after all, we all know that alcoholism is a disease. I was born this way. How can I be held responsible for that?"
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Cancer is a disease. Alcoholism is a behavior. You can decide to change your behavior and there is no physical reason why you can't make it happen - it's in your power to decide if you will remain an alcoholic. You can't decide that you don't want Cancer anymore and expect it to just go away based on your determination - it's not in your power to decide if you will continue to have Cancer. Calling your behavior a disease is just another way of shifting responsibility for your own behavior away from yourself.
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"This sounds like it could work, but everybody knows that a recovering alcoholic must attend meetings forever, so if I were to stop going to meetings and start relying solely on the advice in this website, I would probably wind up drinking again soon. Then I'd be right back where I started, having to attend meetings."
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If your abstinence is based on the support of others, like myself, you need to continue coming in contact with those people in order to maintain your abstinence. In that case you can rightly view yourself as a recovering alcoholic who is in constant need of support from outside sources, and who will remain so for life. However, this will not apply if you "Change Your Mind" and take control of your life. It's not that hard to do once you know how. Once you have taken responsibility for your own actions you will not be a recovering alcoholic with a disease that requires perpetual treatment - you will be a person who used to drink too much, someone who has learned to control their own behavior. You will not be left in a vacuum with no support structure, you will not need to continue going to meetings, and you will not need to continue reading my website. In fact you do not need to read my website at all. Go ahead - "Change Your Mind" right now and quit drinking right now without any help from me or anybody else.
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